While Long

I miss you. And I can’t just say that I miss you because you don’t want that. I know you are this fire that wants to be free and burn where you please. You don’t want any chains you don’t want any liability. I hope to see the world through your eyes, know what makes you happy, know what that mind thinks and where you want to be. I miss very second of you, your smile, your slight smirk and every detail of you that make up those safe expressions. Sometimes my mind wonders off and I just stand seeing you in front of me as if I could just reach out with a hand and just brush my finger down your hair to your jaws. Gently as you smile at my touch, that curled line of your lips’ smile flashes in my brain for every second that I wonder off and as for now I’m wondering and I can’t stop. I vow that nothing is more attractive than that smile in that moment. I miss everything about you. I abuse my head and cage it from any freedom, as I deploy every second of my day moving forward and not leaving any time to look back. I exhaust my thoughts and leave them dry of any thought of love or of you. But your thoughts in my head are like the annual ocean flood in a desert that flourish what is barren and grow what is dead. Yes I miss you, I’m incapable of leaving you alone. For the thousand times in a day that I abstain myself and break everything that builds within me. For whatever I do, you seem like the end of the tunnel and I’m moving within a circle. You are magic and you are fire, yet you are no illusion as I feel my flesh burn every time I hold you, you ignite me and you are the fireworks in my brain. You are another dimension for me as, you do and don’t exist, I do and don’t remember you, and my heart does and does not ache for you. Yes I miss you! Love just seems like a phenomenon that is too cliche to define what I feel, I feel longing and I feel inevitability that you are the light at the end of the way. I miss you

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Parachutes

So it hurts? At least that’s what you are telling yourself. Telling yourself that you have let go of what’s hurting you. Smile to yourself and ask one more time. You are away in months and even years, the faces you still only remember. The face that wakes you up at night and does not let you back to gentle slumber for it does not owe you that mercy. In your waking you are strong and you have built walls and more walls. Wishing such events don’t exist, such faces don’t haunt you. Remember what you were then and what are you now. Times have changed and so have people. You have created your own cure, but honestly how much does that work. So walk past me and have the biggest smile on your face. But your eyes are now not seeing what they used to.  Looking at the world and finding a hell storm and thorns all around. You have moved on, at least that’s what you are telling yourself, every day telling yourself that everything is fine and will be fine. But what is that weight, what is that ache that you carry inside you. Your heart is wounded and you keep telling yourself it will heal and not actually healing anything. Leaving it to be judged and decided by others and fate.  Keep coming up with new cures

People have wronged you and left you. The most frustrating of all is the fact that you gave it all that you had, all your effort, all your prayers and all your love and yet you are empty handed and betrayed. You don’t always get what you want. Fire may make fire, gold doesn’t make gold and love doesn’t make love. You learned that the hard way. You shaped your life with your new found recklessness and sadness. You built up so many walls that you caged yourself into isolation of love and never really realizing that your heart is lonely. People are bad and people are good, and you blame your sorrows to love and people. You create your own stereotypes like ‘All men are dogs’, ‘Love hurts and is always temporary’ and even ‘Everyone in the world is going to eventually leave me or hurt me’. How does it feel to revel is your sorrows.

So you believe in stereotypes? So you must say all Americans are like Donald trump, all Muslims are like Osama bin laden or all Pakistani girls are like qanbeel Baloch. Doesn’t seem right, does it? To people who get hurt by other people and these singles destroy your concept of love. Love can’t be explained but it is the best and purest of things, love is not temporary it’s eternal, and love never hurts, people do! Don’t stop believing in love if you found all the wrong people up till now.

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Your love and you are like a parachute and a plane and it keep coming to this. You have to take a leap off of that plane to be where you need to be. Here comes the time of choice, do you jump or don’t jump. The garden is where you need to be so you find a parachute that calls to you or attracts you the most, you go for that one. But you can never be sure if that is a backpack or a parachute. But you are so full of hope, energetic and never experienced to what is bad and what is good, in your foolishness and childish blindness. You rush and fight the world for this parachute and damn you off really hard. This leap, this fall, this distrust teaches you. As it was never a parachute you lay fractured and in pool of your own blood and bruises. This was not the one, it was an empty bag. Even if it was made of gold diamond or even pizza, it will get you smashing down to the floor. You learned that the world is a scary and distrustful place. You are scared to ever go through this again and you are somewhat right. You become your own mentor and teacher, but know this, you were still a child before the leap and this pain and betrayal gives you a new sight but it never offers you morals to learn or life standards to follow. But you still think that your experience is enough for now and you stop doing anything further, It’s the shock.

You are still not where you need to be and you lay in your wounds never wanting to heal them. It’s up to you that you get back into the plane or forever lay in your sorrow. Take your time because it takes time to completely heal. Even if you do get back into your plane and are healed, you still refuse to take another parachute because you have a logical fear. You just sit down in the plane and wait for the pilot to take you where he likes and land the plane. What if you do reach the ground and after everything and the precaution you lived with, you still find it’s not where you are meant to be. So take your time but not too long. Take another leap from the plane and this time you’ll know what’s going to happen. This time choice the parachute carefully, knowingly that it doesn’t matter how the parachute looks or how attractive it is. All that will matter in the end is that does it take you where you need to be. So look around in your plane and find that parachute which is yours, before it’s too late. Go for it, tell yourself that this is your cure and “Yes! I’m ready to get hurt“. You are a lot stronger and a lot braver than you think. Find your love, find your garden and do not stop. Take the leap again if you need to and you will find the love you deserve.

So look around, right is that deep dark corner you have another dirty and stitched parachute, take it and jump!

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